How to prepare for a gay hookup

First Time Bottoming: 10 Anal Tips for Gay Men

I know some guys who are good to go after one squirt. Since I prefer rigorous sex, I will usually douche three times at least.

The Hookup Manual: Do's and Don'ts

I cannot stress this enough: Do not rush it. Not only can you hurt yourself if you rush the process, but a rushed cleaning job will probably not get you completely clean. After some practice, you will discover a frustrating truth: If you have time, clean once, then wait about thirty minutes and clean again. The trick with cleaning with a douching bulb is to hold the water in your butt for a few seconds.

I do body squats in the shower to push the water up a little deeper. That same rule of thumb does not apply to cleaning out with a hose or shower attachment. When you use a hose, relax your ass and let the water run out freely. Do not try to hold it in. Make sure the water is moderately warm, not hot, and relax your butt.

Hold the nozzle in for a few seconds, allowing the water to run out gently, then pull the nozzle out. Repeat until clean. Douching with a shower attachment gets me a more thorough clean, typically faster than with an enema. I have experimented with different nozzles, but generally the basic plastic or metal douching nozzle that you get from a sex supply store works great.

I stole my first nozzle a smooth, stainless steel one from a shower room at the Armory in San Francisco — the filming studios for Kink. Since then, I have used nozzles that are longer, slender, and made of smooth PVC or rubber that clean deeper. I must caution that these are for more advanced bottoms.

Deep cleaning is not without its health risks more so than cleaning your ass with an enema but it gets me better prepared for hours of hard sex, ass play with big toys, and fisting. You could say that my pleasure focus point has shifted from my dick to my butt.

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I admittedly do not masturbate as much as I used to, and it takes me much longer to cum when I do not have something in me. Not only are anal prostate orgasms more intense for men, but some, like myself, learn to love the feeling of the anal spinchter the circular muscle that opens and closes at the base of the colon, which is clenched tight and shut for most of your life and opens when you have to use the bathroom opening around an object, whether it be a penis, a butt plug, or hand.

The opening and closing of this muscle on its own can be very erotic. I discovered this sensation through toy play. Gay sex tends to focus only on the prostate, since a good top is basically rubbing the prostate with his dick.

How to Be a Better Bottom

When my ex-boyfriend and I decided to start playing with toys, I discovered sensations that I had never experienced before. He started pushing a small butt plug in my ass during foreplay, and I learned that the feeling of being opened can be just as intense as being fucked. Toy play has made me a better bottom and, for many guys, is the gateway to becoming more comfortable with sex. Toys open you up and get you used to the feeling of penetration at your own speed. Most of them are too hard, and many of them have a rough, porous texture. These are novelty items.

The Hookup Manual

Those synthetic, sculpted veins can be sharp and very painful. Remember that the colon is lined with thin, delicate tissue that is easily torn and punctured. Smooth toys work best. My favorite lube is Pjur Back Door silicone lube. I know this after experimenting with every kind of lube imaginable, from lotions to kitchen ingredients to Elbow Grease and more.

A good lube makes a big difference. Many guys prefer spit — I do — but spit typically will not work for rough sex or extended play. When I go hard, I use silicone lube. Silicone lube is messy and stays slick forever, meaning it can sometimes present clean-up problems avoid touching door handles , but it works fine with latex and non-latex condoms and keeps your ass lubed up longer than water-based lube. Silicone lube can also be used in the shower, since it will not wash off with water, meaning you can use it for douching and for shower sex.

I have a latex allergy. When I get fisted, I use non-latex gloves. My sex life did not really begin until a friend told me he has a latex allergy and suggested maybe that was my problem as well. The very next day, I went out and bought my first box of non-latex condoms. My life was changed. Latex allergies are more common than you might realize.

If you are repeatedly having uncomfortable sex and your hole feels like it is burning or badly irritated every time you use latex condoms, try a non-latex condom made of Polyisoprene read: It took me a long time to stop asking guys during sex to pull out and check their penises for shit. Few of them would have cared if there was any, but I did. In my mind, I could not imagine having sex with a dirty hole.

This paranoia has ruined sex for me several times in my life and frustrated tops who knew what they were getting into — literally. It is butt sex, after all, and if you do it enough, you are at some point going to encounter traces of that other thing the ass does. Whether you are a total top or a total bottom or totally versatile, be less afraid of shit.

Keep an eye out for blood. Every time you have anal sex, you get micro-fissures. These are tiny tears that may not bleed at all and will probably not cause any pain, but they are still gateways for HIV transmission. However, when you see red, it is a sign that you have gone too rough or perhaps have not used enough lube, and it is time to stop. If you are a recreational bottom, this will happen at some point in your life. Do not live in fear of bleeding — stress and sex phobia are more unhealthy than most other ailments — but know that your likelihood for anal injury is higher if you are a cock-loving bitch who loves getting pounded.

An anal fissure is a non-serious rectal tear that takes a frustratingly long time to heal — usually several months — but is generally not considered any more severe than a hemorrhoid. Again, fiber will aid the healing process of both these common ailments that befall bottoms.

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While anal fissures are quite common, some ass injuries can require a trip to the hospital. If you puncture your colon or are bleeding badly and in extreme pain, get yourself to an Emergency Room as soon as possible. Ass injuries are not to be scoffed at. But I must also stress that if you have smart, sane, and consensual sex, and only push your limits within reason without exceeding your abilities, you can enjoy bottoming for years without problems.

We now live in an age when PrEP gives HIV-negative men and women extra precaution against HIV transmission — a precaution that, according to every statistic available, is more dependable than regular condom use. But while PrEP has the potential to lower HIV transmission rates among the people who can get access to the costly medication, rates for other STIs like chlamydia and gonorrhea and syphilis are soaring among gay men. I do not shame barebacking because most of my sex is bare and condom-less.

I am a piggy guy who loves male bodily fluids — cum, sweat, piss, spit, in that order — but I also know my sex practices involve STI infection. Most clinics and LGBT centers say that sexually active gay men should receive a full-range testing every three months. Since I am having regular bareback sex, I get tested every month, no exceptions. Getting tested every month is not a preventative healthcare practice, but a responsive one.

Comparing yourself to far more experienced people is simply not fair. On the other hand, people will usually tell you the stories that you want to hear, and not the troubles they went through. When chatting with strangers and things get hot, you will definitively exchange nudes and sexy images.

Whenever you do this, avoid sending pics that have your face showing clearly. The only scenario in which you can send these kinds of pics is when you chatting to a person that you know and have established trust with. In these situations, if they send you one with their face showing, you can do it too. This means that they trust you but also that there will be less of a chance of them abusing your trust as you can harm them as well. On top of that, this is the only way to know that they are, in fact, sending you their real pictures, as you know what they look like.